Monday, April 9, 2012

Life goes on

It is amazing to find that life continues, quite without regards for my personal deep sorrow.
My father passed away this past tuesday, and while it is still hard to grasp the fact that I can no longer ask him a question nor hear his voice again, I  feel a deep deep grief.
There is a pain in my heart, a pain that I have never before felt 
and that I sense will now be part of me always. 
 I find myself looking for signs from him all around me and in this regard my awareness is intensified, at the same time though, I feel myself moving around as if in a dream, lost in thoughts and memories...

Life continues.....and I managed to put together a lovely easter celebration for the children and their friend who came to take part in the egg hunt, which Kaleena had decided was to take place in the bunny corral. She and Keenan worked on cleaning up the place all week, planting greens, clearing rock and beautifying the space for the event.
We made wet felted eggs during the week, and the day before easter sunday we dyed, painted, blew and hung eggs.
Sunday morning the children woke to the traditional beautifully decorated easter table, Kaleena's favorite part, and after a decadent breakfast I hid all the painted, woolen and chocolate eggs in the bunny coral.
Finally each child caught their favorite bunny and dressed it with a bow for the special day:)

So as I grieve, it is after all lovely to find that life goes on, and to remember that while I may not hear my fathers voice again, I can feel him in each wind gust. I can remember him when I come upon a perfectly heart shaped rock.
When a bird comes surprisingly close I can feel his presence. When I sit in stillness and when life gets extremely loud I can remember his strength, his appreciation of all that this life has to offer, I take a deep breath and allow his patience and his positive attitude to flow through me and so he continues to be.....



  1. What beautiful realizations you're having about the continuance of life. I like to think of death, not as death but as continual life. We walk off this earth plane and continue on. Like closing a door and finding yourself in a new room. His wonderful fatherly qualities live on & on. "Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." Sounds like you're feeling that divine comfort right now.

    Sending you love,


  2. Christina,

    I am taking care of my father right now as he is dying of cancer. I have been following your journey with your Dad and learning much from you, who are just a few weeks ahead of me. I'm so sorry that your father is gone - I am anticipating that same feeling - how can it be that I'll never hear his voice again? I don't have much in the way of comfort, but please know that you are not alone.


  3. I'm so sorry to read that your dad passed. Sending you much love and healing thoughts. You made such a beautiful Easter for the children xx

  4. I am terribly sorry for your loss. In time, the pain will lessen and only the beauty of who he was will shine in your heart.

  5. So sorry to hear of your loss. I can completely relate though, this time of year is full of sorrow for me too. My lovely father passed away 2 years ago next week and your words brought tears to my eyes. Lovely you mention the birds coming close, my girl turned 4 on the 4th and we had a lovely wee fantail come inside to visit us. She was a beautiful wee bird and was flitting about the place all happy and cheery. I immediately felt as though this wee bird was my father coming to see his granddaughter and wish her a happy birthday. Some believe a fantail in the house is a bad omen, but I've taken it as good fortune and a wee visit from my Dad.
    Lovely egg hunt too, I was hoping to make some felted eggs with my girl but after all the party prep and celebrations we just didn't have time. Will endeavour to make some next year though.
    I hope you heart doesn't feel so heavy in time xx

  6. I do not know you, but my heart flies out to you. I've been following your blog, as it speaks to me & my life, as different as it may be. I wish you blessings on you & your father's journey. Yours in warmth & kindness, Stephanie

  7. I am so sorry for your loss!I pray that you will be surrounded by thing and people that bring you joy to ease the pain of loosing one whom you love so much!

  8. *hugs* I'm so sorry for your loss.

  9. Darling girl - years ago, I lost my mother to Alzheimer's. I could see her and touch her, but everything that had been my mother was gone - excepting her patience and sweet nature. It was then that I realized something - she had been the foundation of our home, the one who kept everything going - from relationships to money to all the planning and feeding. She was the one I went to in my sorrow or my joy. But now - I recognized this: that I am now my mother. She prepared me for every good thing, and as I walk in the life that goes on, I carry her strength, her good sense, her love -

    She left them hidden in me, and I didn't even know it.

    So every time your hand lies gently on the head of one of the children, that hand came from your father, was trained to love by your father - it is your father's love they feel.

    And children are such a blessing - they don't let you settle in grief. They insist on pulling you in to color and joy.

    I send you kisses, understanding, and faith.

  10. I'm so sorry to read about the passing of your Father. It does seem surreal to have life go on when we are grieving. hugs xx
    Your Easter looks gorgeous, you have given me some ideas for next year, thankyou.

  11. So sorry for your pain in loss of your father. It is a unique loss and brings a new normal to life. Allow yourself the time and space to process. My dad passed away in 2010 and it continues to be tough in various ways. I can only hold onto my heavenly Father's hand to get through most of the time. My heart grieves with yours. May peace come...

  12. Hi Christina,
    I wanted to pass on my heartfelt sympathies to you in this time of sorrow. I have followed your recent journey over to Denmark with growing sadness, knowing that you would soon loose your father. I know this pain very well - my father died 3 years ago, last month and it was one of the hardest times of my life. It still catches up with me sometimes but gradually the days have become easier. There is still that thought that pops in my head often 'oh I must tell dad this' and then I remember.
    So, just to say that you are not alone and wish you well, especially with your upcoming move.
    With love and best wishes,
    P.S. Your wonderful blog with its very beautiful pictures is always a joy to receive:))

  13. Many blessings and love to you as you move into your loss. May you dad's presence continue to be near you and your beautiful family. I'm so glad you know he is still there....
    We took a short holiday last week and on our last day ate pasties by the sea. A little white fantailed dove hopped next to us and ate out of our hands. Somehow I knew it was my daughter Lily, just joining in our final picnic....

  14. Such beautiful pictures of your Easter celebration. I'm so sorry to hear of your dad's passing. Your sharing of his life and his passage has brought him into our lives and we honor his memory and his life. May knowing how people care help you in the days ahead to feel some comfort.


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