Saturday, July 30, 2011


It seems I am finally coming out of a slump that has been holding me captive for a few weeks.
After the initial excitement of arriving here, having "our own" place and the gratitude of the opportunity which we have been given, I fell into a dark place, rather my state of mind changed into a place of melancholy and lack. I suppose after everything that we have been through these past couple of years, it is no surprise that the moment would come, where I seemed unable to look on the bright side of life.
I felt so melancholic for what we had left behind, our beautiful 4 acres in the woods near Asheville, the wonderful homeschooling community which we had become part of, the abundance of wild medicinal herbs that I was learning so much about and loving so dearly, the availability of fresh, local, natural and organic produce and products, raw fresh milk. Yes, well you get the picture. Missing it all so much!!
At the same time I was feeling a longing to live in Denmark as we had originally planned, but were not able to accomplish, due to lack of finances. My sister and her daughter just moved back to Denmark after being away for 30 years. My father being ill and my parents generally getting older. That as well as the social system there, feels so appealing to me right now, and for the children to also live part of their childhood in the "old world".
Anyways, pining away at all these things clearly did not serve me any, the sense of lack that I was feeling did not exactly help me to be present and make the best of what is right in front of me, a wonderful opportunity.
One morning around the beginning of this past week I woke up and felt different, and over the next few days I became aware of all the little things around me worth joy and gratitude. The little gifts that I find each night as I get the bed ready for bedtime, a picture tucked under my pillow from Kaleena, the joy and excitement of Keenan's face as he helps Papa fix the bike, the focus and attention that Kaleena puts forth on her own when she sits down to draw and also write as she loves these days.
The cool freshness of the afternoon swim in the pool, the balmy yet comfortable evenings where I get on the bike and ride around town getting familiar with our surroundings. Our family walks, and the evening talks and sharing with Miguel after so much time apart. Then there is the Land which will soon become a beautiful sanctuary, we will have a green house and a large garden to grow food and herbs..
And while I have yet to find a source for glass jars I did find Rye and whole wheat flour, my sourdough starter is bubbling away and almost ready for the first loaf.
Yes I miss all my kitchen things, loaf pans, glass bowls and jars for baking, all tucked away in a storage in Miami, yet when I stop to look around I realize that I always have what I need at any given moment. There is always something to smile about, something to be grateful for. 
I also once again realize that while the world I see today looks different from the one I saw the past few weeks, nothing exterior has changed, only my state of mind, only the way I choose to see this reality. Again reminding me that my thoughts create. And while my emotions and state of mind will fluctuate, hopefully I will remember that these too shall pass.

I feel compelled to share a few of the drawings that I have been finding under my pillow.
Keenan helping Papa, and working the tools on his own, very proudly
And here the coconuts guarding the front porch, one was a gift the other Kaleena made


  1. Christina, I totally understand those slump periods. Deep in winter is when I usually feel it (those winter blues or cabin fever). To brighten my spirits, I always remember the Shaker song: Simple Gifts. Have you heard of it? It goes: "Tis a gift to be simple, tis gift to be free, Tis a gift to come down where we ought to be; And when we find ourselves in the place just right, Twill be in the valley of love and delight. When true simplicity is gained, to bow and to bend we shan't be afraid, To turn, turn will be our delight, Till turning, turning, we come round right." It always reminds of the simple joy of knowing we are where we are supposed to be in the present. Peace, love, and light, lovely mama.

  2. This is Beautiful. Your words are so heartfelt and reflective, and how kind of you to share with us our ups and downs. Its such a learning curve these down times, and they bring us back round to yet an even deeper understanding of how we are and where we are. I have just recently been experiencing one myself and like you, found it lifting with a brightness that was so confirming of my path- and finding even more magic in it and Trusting again.
    My friends Granny used to say to her, " Whats for you, wont go by you", Its been a simple and useful one for me.
    I had not realized you came from Asheville, one of my favorite places on this great earth, I discovered your blog through The Golden sun family. Your blog is so generous and bright, and I am linked to it now and will follow your adventures and your bright family. Brave spirits you are, and a great reminder of what we all can do, if we want and keep the magic of life alive in our hearts. xx E

  3. christina, you always have such a great way of putting your emotional experiences in words that i can relate to. i feel like i've been having very similar thoughts to yours even though our worlds are rather different. your husband was physically away for a time, mine was gone in his medical school studies. we are all together again now (he has a lot more time to be present with us) but, are living in a new place far from home and family and i've noticed the things i've been lacking - a car, money, friends, homeschooling community, my kitchen things to create my favorite nourishing foods. but, like you i've realized i can't keep myself in a slump. the energy is too low. and i have so much to be grateful for - a baby growing in my belly for one! and like you, i find that i always have what i truly need. so thank you for your beautiful words. there was another time long ago when i was still on st. maarten and you in asheville, you had written about similar feelings of displacement but then trusting you were where you should be. letting go is always best. namaste.

  4. I am old now, and have seen much. For the first twenty years of my life, we moved around the US, leaving pleasant places and good friends for unknown places that did not always start out to be welcoming. I am a person who likes to make things right for me, then settle in for the long term. but my life didn't allow it. I don't know very much about what you and your family have been through - I came in during the children-in-the-forest part. But I do know that a human mind can handle only so much significant change, so much significant emotion and worry, only so much distance from essential people before there has to be a crisis of some kind.

    The quiet and stoic dealing with things is admirable and civilized, but it also results in the build of of toxic chemistry in the brain. There is going to be a point at which that toxicity has to be burned off - where grief at all levels finally has to be manifest - tears shed, body made to lie down and recoup what it has lost - maybe even a very dramatic period of loud sobbing or even pounding pillows - to clear out the toxins and move forward.

    So what you've been through is entirely reasonable and healthy. But you got through the other side - and now you can continue to discover the small and amazing joys to be had where you are. YAY!!! Life will never cease to surprise you.

  5. What a beautiful post. I understand completely. My family and I are going through some changes that while positive, are not what I expected. I'm having a hard time but trying to remember what a good life we lead.

  6. I had to laugh out-loud when I read this... not a cruel laugh, but a "oh my, that's exactly what i've been struggling with too" laugh. We live in the "bush" of Uganda, and recently I've been pining over several things: the fact that we don't have "real" seasons here, the lack of those local/organic products, separation from family (especially as parents age), no Waldorf support beyond the internet, etc.
    But a day before I read this post, I realized, WHAT AM I DOING? I am SO blessed! I get to raise my children in such a unique way...if I only opened my eyes and heart, my Thanks would far outweigh my Lacks. And so, that is what I have done. That is what I am doing. This post greatly encouraged me--knowing that I am not alone in my apparent failure at times to SEE truly. Thank you for your honesty. It has blessed me.


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